at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
