I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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