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He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
