dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
