he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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