I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
