I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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