Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
"it" just moved
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
