You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
