then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
