We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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