i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
