I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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