I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
