if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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