ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
