can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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