i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
