So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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