Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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