Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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