He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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