Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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