My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
