You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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