just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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