im about as happy as oj after his trial
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
