So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
