i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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