I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
