just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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