Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
