Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
