we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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