Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
