when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
