im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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