Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
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I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
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She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
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