Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
