i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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