i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
