We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize