LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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