I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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