i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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