Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
