I wish my penis had an off switch
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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