if i died would you start the facebook group?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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