Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
