I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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