Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
