The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
