remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
