you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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