Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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