i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
bring money and cleavage
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
