Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
