And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
