she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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