I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
