...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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