its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
